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Has to be referring to the Jeff Dunham character José Jalapeño, whose pepper-shaped head is mounted on a stick.
 

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A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor...
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says.
“A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

A smart man.
 

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I walked across my mother's freshly mopped floor and got 'certain facts' explained to me as the dirty mop hovered inches from my face. Lesson learned.
To this day I am averse to crossing a floor that's even damp.
 

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A guy went bird hunting in the country, shot down a fairly large bird, which fell on a farmer's land. He went to retrieve it, when the farmers came out from a barn and said: Where are you going young man?
Hunter: To pick up my bird.
Farmer: Well, this bird is mine, it fell in my property and it's mine.
Hunter: But I shot it down, give me a break, I'll just take the bird and leave.
Farmer: No, we will settle this dispute the way we settles all disputes here: We will kick each other in the groin, till someone falls down and surrenders, and I'll start.
Hunter: OK.
The farmer kicked the hunter so hard, but the hunter didn't fall down. It was painful, and the hunter was aching, but didn't fall.
Hunter: That was some kick. My turn.
Farmer: That's fine young man, you can have the bird.
 

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A guy went bird hunting in the country, shot down a fairly large bird, which fell on a farmer's land. He went to retrieve it, when the farmers came out from a barn and said: Where are you going young man?
Hunter: To pick up my bird.
Farmer: Well, this bird is mine, it fell in my property and it's mine.
Hunter: But I shot it down, give me a break, I'll just take the bird and leave.
Farmer: No, we will settle this dispute the way we settles all disputes here: We will kick each other in the groin, till someone falls down and surrenders, and I'll start.
Hunter: OK.
The farmer kicked the hunter so hard, but the hunter didn't fall down. It was painful, and the hunter was aching, but didn't fall.
Hunter: That was some kick. My turn.
Farmer: That's fine young man, you can have the bird.
Great story...I heard it a little different. To settle things "the country way", they'd take turns drop-kicking each other's crotch until one said he just couldn't take any more. After the first kick, the hunter rolls around in horrible pain for a few minutes, then drags himself to his feet, gathers his strength, and announces, "OK, mister, now it's MY turn."

Farmer say, "Jeez, man, I just can't take no more...hell, you can have the duck."
 

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Has to be referring to the Jeff Dunham character José Jalapeño, whose pepper-shaped head is mounted on a stick.
We saw him 20 plus years ago. Heard he was coming here on the radio. The wife called and told the lady at the ticket office we wanted two tickets to the Jeffery Dahmer show, lol. Lady was really nice to the wife when she stopped laughing.
 

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Good news for the folks in LA county. They don't need to get tested. They can "just socialize."

633915

(Note 1: This is an actual headline I saw this morning. Yes, I posted a comment that they may want to review their headline copy.)

(Note 2: This is just an observation of a humorous unintended meaning. It is NOT a political statement, one way or the other!)
 

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Good news for the folks in LA county. They don't need to get tested. They can "just socialize."

View attachment 633915
(Note 1: This is an actual headline I saw this morning. Yes, I posted a comment that they may want to review their headline copy.)

(Note 2: This is just an observation of a humorous unintended meaning. It is NOT a political statement, one way or the other!)
This is what I see now

 

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Actual Police Log that made me laugh out loud -

"PD was dispatched to assist Paramedics with a combative patient. Officers arrived and contacted A P. 31, of XXXXX who was demanding to be transported to a different hospital than Ambulance was going to transport him to. P. then declined medical assistance and threw his discharge paper on the ground, asking for officers to cite him for littering. P. was cited for littering and released."
 

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On a busy Friday afternoon, a masked bank robber walked into a bank, gun in hand, pushed his way to the teller and in the confusion, his mask fell, he quickly raised it to hide his face.
He asked the first man in line: Did you see my face?
1st man: yes. Boom the robber shot him.
The robber asked the second man in line: Did you see my face?
2nd man: Yes. Boom he got shot.
The robber asked the third man in line: Did you see my face?
3rd man: No, but my wife did.
 
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