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JUSTA MEMBER
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Writing newspaper copy is an art form unseen in these real headlines:
“Worker Suffers Leg Pain After Crane Drops 800-Pound Ball on His Head”

“City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells”

“Caskets Found as Workers Demolish Mausoleum”

“Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25”

“Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police”

“Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors”
 

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Usually Confused
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Here's one for all you NBA fans:
It was the 7th and deciding game, and this boy wanted to see it so badly, but mom said: Not before you finish your class report!
The boy was struggling completing his project, finally finished late in the third quarter. He went to the living room, but there was a commercial.
Boy: Mom, what's the score?
Mom: 80 to 76.
Boy: Who's winning?
Mom: the 80 team.
 

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The Dept of Social Services in the state capital noticed that many residents at Walnut Hill Retirement Center lived to their late 90s. To find out why, they sent a couple of doctors to find out.
One doctor interviewed a 97 y.o resident.
Doctor: We've noticed the remarkable low death rate at this facility. Can you tell me what the death rate is here?
Resident: Sure doctor, it's one per person.
 

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JUSTA MEMBER
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A local lumberyard was having an open house, and my mother really wanted to go.

Dad, though, had no interest.
After badgering him with no luck, she finally said,

“If you don’t go, I’ll be the only woman there.”

Dad shrugged.

“If I go, you’ll still be the only woman there.” —
 

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JUSTA MEMBER
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That's a lot of money for a WOOLEY, ain't it. :devil3:

Around here they put saddles on them and let kids try to ride them in the Little Britches Rodeo, Funny to watch.

ED
 

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JUSTA MEMBER
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It's time to break out the Halloween jokes.


Why is there a fence around the local cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.
 

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retired framer
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It's time to break out the Halloween jokes.


Why is there a fence around the local cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.
This year they are moving trick or treat to the following Tuesday.
 

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^^ Headline editors have a particular challenge to convey the article in minimal words, sometimes with unfortunate/funny results (particularly in small town or community papers), but it can also afflict the folks doing copy layout.

All sorts of 'fails' of both on the Internet.

https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-newspaper-magazine-layout-fails/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
#'s 1 and 26 were the funniest. Most of the rest read like the odd gaffe or two you sometimes get here.
 

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Big Dog
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One day St. Peter was at the desk of Pearly Gates awaiting the new arrivals when there was a knock.

He went to the gate, opened the small window and saw a man there.

He was about to welcome the newcomer to heaven when the man suddenly disappeared.

St. Peter shrugged and went back to his desk.

He no sooner sat down when there was another knock at the gate.

He again went to the gate and opened the small window where he saw the same man who was there a moment ago.

He was about to welcome him when the man again disappeared.

Somewhat annoyed, he went back to his desk.

As soon as he sat down there was knock at the gate.

Irate, he again went to the gate and opened the small window only to encounter the same man.

Annoyed, St. Peter exclaimed “What!!!”

The man exclaimed, “There trying to resuscitate me!”
 

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This retired man is ready to go golfing, when his wife saw him.
She said: Are you going golfing again? you were golfing all day yesterday!
He said: Yes, we completed the first hole yesterday. Today we are doing the second hole.
 

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Conservitum Americum
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400 Posts
^^ Headline editors have a particular challenge to convey the article in minimal words, sometimes with unfortunate/funny results (particularly in small town or community papers), but it can also afflict the folks doing copy layout.

All sorts of 'fails' of both on the Internet.

https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-newspaper-magazine-layout-fails/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Along the same lines are radio and TV anchors that don't read copy before airtime.
"The body was found in the lake last week by search divers." "The body was wrapped in plastic wrap and duct tape, weighted down with chains and cement blocks." "It was also shot and stabbed several times." "Police suspect foul play."
 
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