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Old 05-21-2020, 10:45 AM   #8416
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Re: A few jokes...


Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.

If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.

Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
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Old 05-21-2020, 09:12 PM   #8417
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
What are the two main rules in the Military?
1. The commanding officer is always right.

2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1


As a senior officer (ex RAF) said to me once 'I may not always be right but I will always be the boss'.
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Old 05-22-2020, 02:08 PM   #8418
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
What are the two main rules in the Military?
1. The commanding officer is always right.

2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1

WalMart used to have a sign over customer service counter that read:
"Rule #1 - the customer is always right.
Rule #2 - If he/she is wrong, see rule #1"
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Old 05-22-2020, 02:18 PM   #8419
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Re: A few jokes...


This brain surgeon woke up one Sunday morning, went downstairs and saw a huge leak in the kitchen.
He started calling plumbers listed online and the yellow book, but nobody picked up. He said to himself: This is so frustrating, let's try one more.
He called, and there was an answer!
He explained the problem, and the plumber said: I will be there within the hour, but you know I have Sunday rates today.
The doctor agreed.
The plumber arrived, saw what was going on, went to his van, brought some tools and parts, fixed the leak and dried the floor. Then went to the van and returned with a bill.
Doctor: $1200 for 10 minute work?? I am a brain surgeon, and I don't even get this much for 10 minutes!
Plumber: Well doc, I USED TO BE A BRAIN SURGEON, AND THAT'S WHY I'M A PLUMBER NOW!
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Old 05-22-2020, 03:14 PM   #8420
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Re: A few jokes...


https://www.diychatroom.com/f2/all-d...5/#post1163232


While it says threads. It includes post. And has for 7 years.
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Old 05-22-2020, 03:27 PM   #8421
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by dj3 View Post
WalMart used to have a sign over customer service counter that read:
"Rule #1 - the customer is always right.
Rule #2 - If he/she is wrong, see rule #1"
The bad part is, if you are a contractor and you do it the way the customer wants, even though you warn them that it is wrong, they can sue you and you will lose.
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Old 05-22-2020, 10:54 PM   #8422
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by rusty baker View Post
The bad part is, if you are a contractor and you do it the way the customer wants, even though you warn them that it is wrong, they can sue you and you will lose.
Unless you get it in writing, NOTARIZED, that they release you from any litigation.

For doing it the way that they wanted.


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Old 05-23-2020, 06:51 AM   #8423
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Re: A few jokes...


Back to jokes:

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
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Old 05-23-2020, 11:23 AM   #8424
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Re: A few jokes...


A few jokes...-28f3fafe-907c-4c81-914b-6c3c10b40ae2.jpeg
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Old 05-23-2020, 12:25 PM   #8425
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
What are the two main rules in the Military?
1. The commanding officer is always right.

2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1

For Navy enlisted (I was, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), the two rules were:
1. If it moves, salute it.
2. If it doesn't move, PAINT it.
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Old 05-23-2020, 04:27 PM   #8426
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
Unless you get it in writing, NOTARIZED, that they release you from any litigation.

For doing it the way that they wanted.


ED
A friend of mine tried that. Judge told him he should have known better and walked away. He lost.
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Old 05-23-2020, 09:48 PM   #8427
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by rusty baker View Post
A friend of mine tried that. Judge told him he should have known better and walked away. He lost.
The Plaintiff, must have had a better lawyer.

But this is not the place to be discussing anything except jokes, So let's not.



ED
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Old 05-24-2020, 12:20 AM   #8428
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Re: A few jokes...


What?

URK
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Old 05-24-2020, 07:20 AM   #8429
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Re: A few jokes...


An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is).

As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down.

When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out.
The father leans over and whispers to the son,

"Son, go get your mother!"
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Old 05-24-2020, 08:27 AM   #8430
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Re: A few jokes...



.
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