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Old 11-06-2019, 09:41 AM   #7366
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Re: A few jokes...


If businesses were actually truthful.

You would hear this when you called customer service.

Thank you for calling Customer Care. Your call is important to us, though not as important as it is to you.
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Old 11-06-2019, 11:41 AM   #7367
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Re: A few jokes...


Telling bad puns?
That's how eye roll!
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Old 11-06-2019, 03:30 PM   #7368
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
If businesses were actually truthful.

You would hear this when you called customer service.

Thank you for calling Customer Care. Your call is important to us, though not as important as it is to you.
The line that gets me is this -
"This conversation is being recorded for training and quality assurance purposes."

Yeah...right. I'd give a lot of support and customer loyalty to the company that will honestly say, "This conversation is being recorded to protect ourselves in case of a dispute, or a crank caller, or any other potential problems from stupid, vengeful, litigious people -- it is purely CYA, we apologize for the necessity, and we hope it doesn't offend you".
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Old 11-06-2019, 05:29 PM   #7369
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Re: A few jokes...


I used to work in a call center(not on the phone) and supervisors do in fact sit down with phone reps and go over their calls to show them how to improve.
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Old 11-07-2019, 02:36 AM   #7370
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
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I used to work in a call center(not on the phone) and supervisors do in fact sit down with phone reps and go over their calls to show them how to improve.
OK, I believe you, maybe training and quality control do figure into the mix...but I will continue to believe that the primary reason for recording calls is CYA in case of disputes.

While I've never worked at a call center, I've worked at locations where management was paranoid about maintaining a record of communications, with the primary goal of avoiding situations that might end up in court.

And by the way, to keep this light, do you know the difference between a lawyer and a lady of the evening?

The prostitute will stop screwing you if you die.
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Old 11-07-2019, 10:09 AM   #7371
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Re: A few jokes...


Instead of saying, "And here’s your receipt,"

cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"
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Old 11-07-2019, 02:18 PM   #7372
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Re: A few jokes...


An old Texas cattleman was nursing a small pitcher of beer at a bar, when a slender young man came in, looking very upset, and ordered three shots of pain-killer. The old cowman spoke up, "you look like your dog just died, son. ...What's your problem?"

"Well...I don't like talking about it...but I guess my personal privacy is the last of my concerns, now. I've just been diagnosed with full-blown, advanced AIDS. It's hard to accept, since I had no real warning...I guess I must have just skipped the early HIV symptoms."

The old cowman shook his head in sympathy. "Tell you what, son, lemme give you some advice, a recipe, that might do you some good. You take two cans of kidney beans, add six fresh habanero peppers, chopped fine and including all the seeds, add three rounded tablespoons of cayenne pepper, bring it to a boil, simmer for five minutes, and just spoon it all down, quick as you can stand the temperature."

"...Holy sh...! That sounds just dreadful...but I suppose I could do it. Will it cure AIDS?"

"Nah. But it might just give you a clue as to what your butt is for."
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Old 11-07-2019, 03:10 PM   #7373
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by jimfarwell View Post
The line that gets me is this -
"This conversation is being recorded for training and quality assurance purposes."

Yeah...right. I'd give a lot of support and customer loyalty to the company that will honestly say, "This conversation is being recorded to protect ourselves in case of a dispute, or a crank caller, or any other potential problems from stupid, vengeful, litigious people -- it is purely CYA, we apologize for the necessity, and we hope it doesn't offend you".
Please hold, we are currently experiencing an unusual high volume of employee shortages.

or

Please hold, we are currently experiencing a high volume of customer complaints.
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Old 11-07-2019, 05:28 PM   #7374
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by joed View Post
I used to work in a call center(not on the phone) and supervisors do in fact sit down with phone reps and go over their calls to show them how to improve.
Oh, yes. One of my first legal jobs was answering the phones for a bankruptcy attorney with one of those 800-BROKE numbers.

We were advised to screen out people who were lonely, or needed doctors (mental) and send to special reps. This was in the 1990s.
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Old 11-07-2019, 05:30 PM   #7375
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by jimfarwell View Post
An old Texas cattleman was nursing a small pitcher of beer at a bar, when a slender young man came in, looking very upset, and ordered three shots of pain-killer. The old cowman spoke up, "you look like your dog just died, son. ...What's your problem?"

"Well...I don't like talking about it...but I guess my personal privacy is the last of my concerns, now. I've just been diagnosed with full-blown, advanced AIDS. It's hard to accept, since I had no real warning...I guess I must have just skipped the early HIV symptoms."

The old cowman shook his head in sympathy. "Tell you what, son, lemme give you some advice, a recipe, that might do you some good. You take two cans of kidney beans, add six fresh habanero peppers, chopped fine and including all the seeds, add three rounded tablespoons of cayenne pepper, bring it to a boil, simmer for five minutes, and just spoon it all down, quick as you can stand the temperature."

"...Holy sh...! That sounds just dreadful...but I suppose I could do it. Will it cure AIDS?"

"Nah. But it might just give you a clue as to what your butt is for."
I snarfed all over my keyboard . . .

So did some one of my very very un-PC LGBT friends . . . .
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Old 11-07-2019, 08:12 PM   #7376
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Re: A few jokes...


I don't recall if I've posted this one before. If so, I apologize (...and maybe some didn't read it the first time around, so....).
____________________________________

I was standing in line at the grocery store. An ugly woman in front of me turned, looked at my shirt, and announce in a loud, sneering voice, "You have a mustard stain on your shirt!"

Now I have to tell you, though I'm really good at dreaming up great come-backs...my creations are usually several hours after I could have use them. Intelligent, yes. Quick responses, no.

I looked down, and sure enough, there was an old mustard stain on the pocket of my shirt, about 1" square (for those of you who choose to take things literally, no, it wasn't square, that's just an approximate size). I stared at it sadly for a few moments and let out a long sigh, looked up at the woman, and said in a firm voice, "No ma'am, that's not a mustard stain, that's a faded insignia of an organization I belong to."

"Oh...what organization is that?"

"SMEA, ma'am."

"And what, may I ask, does SMEA stand for?"

"Sloppy Mustard Eaters of America, ma'am."

This conversation had held, spellbound, all the people in my line and two lines over in either direction. There was absolute silence for about two seconds, and then the laughter started. There were people banging their heads on the magazine racks with snot dribbling down their faces. It was bedlam. Even the cashiers were laughing, sore feet and all.

It was absolutely the best come-back of my life.
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Old 11-08-2019, 12:18 AM   #7377
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Re: A few jokes...


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Old 11-08-2019, 09:13 AM   #7378
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Re: A few jokes...


Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?

Somebody’s making a penny.
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Old 11-08-2019, 01:22 PM   #7379
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Re: A few jokes...


As to JIMFARRELS quick retorts:



A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:

“Well, that's great....that's just great..........some *******'s got my pen!”
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Old 11-08-2019, 02:27 PM   #7380
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Re: A few jokes...


Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. She could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all.

When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch that she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize", they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.
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