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Old 05-12-2019, 05:13 AM   #6826
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Re: A few jokes...


Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?


A: A small medium at large.
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Old 05-12-2019, 10:02 AM   #6827
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Re: A few jokes...


A lot of truth in this.
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:41 PM   #6828
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“Stopped by a roadside stand that said, “Lobster Tails $2”

I paid $2 and he says, “Once upon a time there was this lobster.......”

Last edited by Startingover; 05-12-2019 at 01:52 PM.
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:38 PM   #6829
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?


A: A small medium at large.

Or the inmate who escapes a mental institution and hooks up with his girlfriend . . .


Nut bolts and screws.
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Old 05-13-2019, 06:52 AM   #6830
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Re: A few jokes...


A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )

----------------------------------------------------------

The answer is: "A Last Name."



Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
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Old 05-13-2019, 11:40 AM   #6831
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Re: A few jokes...


Last name
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:51 PM   #6832
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Re: A few jokes...


not quite a joke but entertaining...

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Old 05-14-2019, 07:46 AM   #6833
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Re: A few jokes...


Ho-kay . . . .
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Old 05-14-2019, 08:23 AM   #6834
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Re: A few jokes...


I Googled "how to start a wildfire".

I got 48,500 matches.
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:26 AM   #6835
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Re: A few jokes...


EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline
'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what
they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with
artificial flavor, and dish washing
liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all
your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the
slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored
cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle
for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black
box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out
of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
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Old 05-16-2019, 07:06 AM   #6836
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Re: A few jokes...


Oh, they were laughing when I told them I’m becoming a stand-up comedian.

Well, ha! They’re not laughing now!
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Old 05-16-2019, 11:26 AM   #6837
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
Oh, they were laughing when I told them I’m becoming a stand-up comedian.

Well, ha! They’re not laughing now!
...took me a minute to catch the irony of that one.
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Old Yesterday, 06:51 AM   #6838
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Re: A few jokes...


There were three men on a hill with their watches.

The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.

The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.

The third man threw his watch down the hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it.

The other two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did it.

The third man said, "Easy. My watch is 5 minutes slow!"
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Old Yesterday, 03:50 PM   #6839
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Re: A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by de-nagorg View Post
There were three men on a hill with their watches.
The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.
The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke.
The third man threw his watch down the hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it.
The other two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did it.
The third man said, "Easy. My watch is 5 minutes slow!"
...Well...OK...I guess. At least it's not offensive. ...Not in the normal sense, anyway.
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Old Today, 08:23 AM   #6840
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Re: A few jokes...


Adam was talking to God one day, and asked, "why did you make Eve so pretty?"

God replied, "So you would love her".

Adam then asked, "why did you make her such a good cook?".

God replied, "So that you would love her".

Adam asked, "Why does she have such a heavenly smile?".

God said "So you would love her".

Finally, Adam asked "Why did you make her so dumb?"

God replied, "So that she would love you!".
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