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i didnt know you could mix by hand
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YUP! It's not that much to do by hand.
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What do you mean by a membrane? would that be ditra?
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YUP! DITRA or KERDI using KERDI Band for flashing material.
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use a membrane instead of the cement board?
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YUP!
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If slate is not reccomended, what would be a preferred tile, for outside?
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Porcelain tile. Porcelain has the least moisture absorption rating and is great for freeze/thaw conditions but you want to use a powerhouse thinset. In this case it is better to use unmodified (cheap) thinset but mix-in your own additive, no water.

This will give you an inexpensive power thinset without paying sixty bucks a bag for it.

That's not to say already modified thinset couldn't be used.
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Wife just liked the slate, mainly because of texture.
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And that is wise to reduce slips and falls. Porcelain tile is available that mimics slate and offers plenty of surface texture to increase the needed coefficient of friction.
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the plywood subfloor is flat, how would i build a slope into it?
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That's where the work comes in. You could do a "cap" that slopes using sand and cement (mud). Assuming you have the space available for the additional required height of the mud - about 1-1/4" of thickness. Really not as intimidating as it may sound at first.
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Thanks in advance..and sorry for all the dumb questions,
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I didn't see a single dumb question anywhere. Not everyone has a need to know all this stuff.
Buy her some coveralls.