The Truth About Nutrition - Off Topic - DIY Chatroom Home Improvement Forum


Go Back   DIY Chatroom Home Improvement Forum > The Break Room > Off Topic

CLICK HERE AND JOIN OUR COMMUNITY TODAY...IT'S FREE!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-24-2009, 07:52 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West Michigan
Posts: 4,412
Rewards Points: 2,360
Default

The truth about nutrition


This had me laughing out loud, so I thought I'd pass it along hoping someone else might enjoy it too.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.

Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.

And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).

And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one...If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO!, What a Ride'!!!

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.

But if you're American, travel a lot!

Advertisement

gma2rjc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2009, 11:43 PM   #2
Kap
Mowing my life away.
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 298
Rewards Points: 250
Default

The truth about nutrition


Second and third were the best.

And this is how I heard it:

The ultimate objective of life is not to arrive Death's door with a neat, clean, well preserved corpse. The ultimate objective of life is to arrive at Death's door sliding in broadside, all ripped up and torn, dirty and disheveled in a hail of dust and dirt and flying stones, crying "WOW!! THAT WAS FUN!!"


Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to book a flight to Germany.


Advertisement

Kap is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 09:26 AM   #3
Member
 
yummy mummy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,725
Rewards Points: 1,000
Default

The truth about nutrition


......that was really funny.......loved it......
yummy mummy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2009, 09:54 AM   #4
General Contractor
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Stafford, VA
Posts: 534
Rewards Points: 500
Default

The truth about nutrition


That was pretty good. The sit up statement is true. Same concept as doing curls for your bi-ceps. If you want to get a smaller stomach run and eat right. Crunches and leg raises work well for toning.
ARI001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hey from Truth or Consequences, NM nmchick Introductions 1 06-28-2009 12:05 PM
I was told water pressure too high - bunk or truth? vsheetz Plumbing 5 04-23-2009 09:01 AM




Top of Page | View New Posts