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Old 01-02-2012, 09:40 PM   #1
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Republicans Finally Have a Candidate


January 2, 2012 A Letter from Kim Jong-un To the People of Iowa PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report) - The following is a letter from Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, to the people of Iowa.

Dear Voters of Iowa: In December I became Supreme Leader of North Korea. Pretty amazing development for a twentysomething who at the time was still living at home and spending all day playing Angry Birds. But there I was, receiving the cheers of millions of North Koreans, who usually don't get that excited unless they've caught sight of a pork sandwich. (LOL)

Here is why I am writing to you today: on Tuesday, you will go to your caucuses and choose from among a field of Republican presidential candidates. And let me tell you, the idea of any of these people getting nuclear weapons scares the **** out of me.

This is just one of many differences between your country and mine. In North Korea, we lock up the criminally insane. In America, you let them debate on TV. Right now you have people running for President I would not trust to take care of my plants.

So who do I recommend you vote for on Tuesday? In a word, me. If you think about it, I am the most Republican candidate of all. In North Korea, we have no taxes. We have achieved that through a conservative policy of no jobs. Also, we have no wasteful "big government" programs providing food, shelter, or safe drinking water. And am I pro-life? Well, try this on for size: I believe that life begins at conception and ends at starvation.

Now, I know what you're thinking: I'm too young to be President, since I'm under 35. Well, who would you rather have running your country, someone who's under 35, or someone whose IQ is under 35? (LOL)

I think when you look at all the facts, voters of Iowa, you'll realize that Kim Jong-un is the Republican who most deserves your vote.

And if you're still not convinced, remember this: at least I'm not Mitt Romney.

Peace out yo,

Your Supreme Leader


Last edited by user1007; 01-02-2012 at 09:42 PM.
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Old 01-02-2012, 10:45 PM   #2
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Republicans Finally Have a Candidate


Quote:
Originally Posted by sdsester View Post
January 2, 2012 A Letter from Kim Jong-un To the People of Iowa PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report) - The following is a letter from Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, to the people of Iowa.

Dear Voters of Iowa: In December I became Supreme Leader of North Korea. Pretty amazing development for a twentysomething who at the time was still living at home and spending all day playing Angry Birds. But there I was, receiving the cheers of millions of North Koreans, who usually don't get that excited unless they've caught sight of a pork sandwich. (LOL)

Here is why I am writing to you today: on Tuesday, you will go to your caucuses and choose from among a field of Republican presidential candidates. And let me tell you, the idea of any of these people getting nuclear weapons scares the **** out of me.

This is just one of many differences between your country and mine. In North Korea, we lock up the criminally insane. In America, you let them debate on TV. Right now you have people running for President I would not trust to take care of my plants.

So who do I recommend you vote for on Tuesday? In a word, me. If you think about it, I am the most Republican candidate of all. In North Korea, we have no taxes. We have achieved that through a conservative policy of no jobs. Also, we have no wasteful "big government" programs providing food, shelter, or safe drinking water. And am I pro-life? Well, try this on for size: I believe that life begins at conception and ends at starvation.

Now, I know what you're thinking: I'm too young to be President, since I'm under 35. Well, who would you rather have running your country, someone who's under 35, or someone whose IQ is under 35? (LOL)

I think when you look at all the facts, voters of Iowa, you'll realize that Kim Jong-un is the Republican who most deserves your vote.

And if you're still not convinced, remember this: at least I'm not Mitt Romney.

Peace out yo,

Your Supreme Leader

but unfortunately way too close to the mark

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Old 01-02-2012, 10:50 PM   #3
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I think the idea has some merit. The big thing is he is short and wouldn't have to bend over to kiss the assses and rings of all those other foriegn leaders like Obama had to.
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Old 01-02-2012, 11:00 PM   #4
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I think the idea has some merit. The big thing is he is short and wouldn't have to bend over to kiss the assses and rings of all those other foriegn leaders like Obama had to.
Or those of the crime family Bush and President Cheney in say Saudi Arabia. Come on, we all know now Baby W Bush was an idiot and Tricky Dick 2 pulled the strings.
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Old 01-03-2012, 08:30 AM   #5
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I'm not touching this!!!
However ...
He, he he!!!
Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction!!!
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Old 01-03-2012, 12:18 PM   #6
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Stupid, and not particularly funny. TheOnion writers provide much better crap than that.
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Old 01-03-2012, 11:00 PM   #7
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Stupid, and not particularly funny. TheOnion writers provide much better crap than that.
You have to keep in mind, Chicago really isn't too far removed from North Korea........
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:00 AM   #8
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Republicans Finally Have a Candidate


Well. I think it's funny.
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:30 AM   #9
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You have to keep in mind, Chicago really isn't too far removed from North Korea........
Economically? Politically? Mentally? Ideologically? Financially? All of the above?

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