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Old 03-11-2010, 06:10 PM   #1
Toe
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How to build a condo, in three easy stpes


Currently I am working on rehabbing a condo in preparation for sale. My father is a master homebuilder, and taught me the value of maintaing quality in building. A good job done at the outset saves enormous time, effort, and money down the road. Condos... well, those are a different story, aren't they? They just have to look good enough to sell, and then the builder doesn't care about what happens later on.

So that said... here is my Guide to Building a Condominium:

Step 1: Slap everything together as fast as possible. Don't worry about getting things straight, tight, etc.; step 2 will take care of that. Use all the cheapest materials: don't worry; they will still look great for the first year or two.

Step 2: This is the really important step: the one that will get you the respect of other condo builders. Get the least experienced, least skilled day laborer you can find: preferably one who also has enormous fingers. Give him two cases of super-super-cheap caulking (per unit). Instruct him to gob caulking along every seam, join, or straight line he can find, then liberally smear it around with his large fingers.

Step 3: After everything is installed, including face-plates, fixtures, appliances, etc.; then get a crew to spend a few minutes slopping the cheapest available paint onto everything.

Viola! You've created a condo ready for sale! (If you don't care about your reputation, go ahead and use this technique on houses too.) Just be sure to color-match the caulk to the paint so that it will look just great for the first year or two... until the super-cheap caulk starts to degrade and show as dirty, cracking smears everywhere.

Extra credit: remember bribes can cost less than permits, so give your foreman some cash to handle any pesky inspectors who may come by.

Extra credit 2: Never, ever waste money on stuff that won't be obvious to the casual observer, such as zoned heat, a quiet dishwasher, good seals on doors, quality materials, etc.

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Old 03-12-2010, 06:04 AM   #2
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How to build a condo, in three easy stpes


Your ideas form the basis for most flip or sell this house home improvement shows? And you forgot to mention to keep Guerilla Glue and Tape handy at all times!

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