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Old 02-05-2014, 01:49 PM   #76
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A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by KarenH View Post
Oh boy! Some of those hit home! I just turned 52 and I'm experiencing some of those. Rofl! Thanks for laughs!
Same here! Well, I'm 50, or as I call it, "39 with 11 years experience".

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Old 02-05-2014, 02:17 PM   #77
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A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by gma2rjc View Post
Same here! Well, I'm 50, or as I call it, "39 with 11 years experience".
Oooooh that's a GOOD one! Mind if I borrow that??? I'll have to add a couple more years of experience though!
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Old 02-05-2014, 02:22 PM   #78
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A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by rossfingal View Post
WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED


Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack..
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay..
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000.. Tux rental-$100..
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes.
Well said and all so true! Lucky guys!
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Old 02-05-2014, 02:26 PM   #79
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A few jokes...


I prefer to say...

"Old enough to know better but young enough to still be able to."
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Old 02-05-2014, 02:26 PM   #80
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A few jokes...


Quote:
Oooooh that's a GOOD one! Mind if I borrow that??? I'll have to add a couple more years of experience though!
Sure!
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Old 02-05-2014, 04:38 PM   #81
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A few jokes...


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Originally Posted by ddawg16 View Post
I prefer to say...

"Old enough to know better but young enough to still be able to."
Old enough to know better... how does the rest of that go? My stars Barb, my oldest daughter is the same age you are.

Well, last year (December) I celebrated the second anniversary of my 35th birthday!
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Old 02-06-2014, 06:53 PM   #82
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A few jokes...


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Old enough to know better... how does the rest of that go? My stars Barb, my oldest daughter is the same age you are.

Well, last year (December) I celebrated the second anniversary of my 35th birthday!
Well there you go Jim! You're just a youngster! They say 70 is the new 60. Don't ask me who "they" are, but "they" seem to be quoted fairly often.

"They say you shouldn't go swimming until 45 minutes after you eat."
"They say you lose 40% of your body's heat from your head."
"They say good things come to those who wait."
"They.....

Oh, happy belated birthday Jim! They say it's never too late to wish someone a happy birthday.

Barb
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Old 02-06-2014, 07:01 PM   #83
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A few jokes...


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Originally Posted by gma2rjc View Post
Well there you go Jim! You're just a youngster! They say 70 is the new 60. Don't ask me who "they" are, but "they" seem to be quoted fairly often.

"They say you shouldn't go swimming until 45 minutes after you eat."
"They say you lose 40% of your body's heat from your head."
"They say good things come to those who wait."
"They.....

Oh, happy belated birthday Jim! They say it's never too late to wish someone a happy birthday.

Barb
Thanks Barb, when you kinda think of it as being 10 years old 7 times it don't seem so bad.
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Old 02-06-2014, 07:27 PM   #84
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Thanks Barb, when you kinda think of it as being 10 years old 7 times it don't seem so bad.
....... That's the best way to look at it Jim! First time I've heard it put that way.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:53 PM   #85
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A few jokes...


"BigJim" -
70?!???? (Happy belated, B'-day!)
10 X 7.... 10 years old times 7!
As of Feb. 2nd - I'm at 10 X 6.5 years.

Now - for some fun!......


Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and
when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home.
As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.


'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'
The driver said,
'No problem. Have at it.'
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off
down the highway.
A short distance away
sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out
and easily caught the limo
and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver's door
and when the glass
was rolled down,
he was surprised to see
who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car
and called his supervisor.
He told the supervisor,
'I know we are supposed
to enforce the law....
But I also know that
important people are
given certain courtesies.
I need to know what
I should do because
I have stopped a
very important person.'
The supervisor asked,
'Is it the governor?'
The young trooper said,
'No, he's more important
than that.'
The supervisor said,
'Oh, so it's the president.'

The young trooper said,
'No, he's even more
important than that.'
The supervisor finally asked,
'Well then, who is it?'
The young trooper said,

'I think it's Jesus,
because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'

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Old 02-07-2014, 06:03 PM   #86
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A few jokes...


I snorted on the Billy graham one!
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:03 PM   #87
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A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by rossfingal View Post
"BigJim" -
70?!???? (Happy belated, B'-day!)
10 X 7.... 10 years old times 7!
As of Feb. 2nd - I'm at 10 X 6.5 years.

Now - for some fun!......


Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and
when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home.
As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.


'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'
The driver said,
'No problem. Have at it.'
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off
down the highway.
A short distance away
sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out
and easily caught the limo
and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver's door
and when the glass
was rolled down,
he was surprised to see
who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car
and called his supervisor.
He told the supervisor,
'I know we are supposed
to enforce the law....
But I also know that
important people are
given certain courtesies.
I need to know what
I should do because
I have stopped a
very important person.'
The supervisor asked,
'Is it the governor?'
The young trooper said,
'No, he's more important
than that.'
The supervisor said,
'Oh, so it's the president.'

The young trooper said,
'No, he's even more
important than that.'
The supervisor finally asked,
'Well then, who is it?'
The young trooper said,

'I think it's Jesus,
because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'

Thanks buddy, Judy said to tell you that you are older than her... by one day.LOL And a happy belated birthday to you too.

I liked the joke also Rossi.
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:32 PM   #88
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A few jokes...


All the best people are born early in Feb.!!!
He, he, he!

Happy B'-day Judy!!!

I like that math -
10yrs. times "whatever" years -
(I'm sure there's some females that think I operate at the level of a
10 year old - sometimes!)
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:56 PM   #89
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A few jokes...


Quote:
Originally Posted by rossfingal View Post
All the best people are born early in Feb.!!!
He, he, he!
Judy said riightoooon brotha.

All I got to say about that best bein born in early Feb is
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Old 02-07-2014, 07:01 PM   #90
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A few jokes...


Down with that! - Jim and Judy!

Now; for something completely different -

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth , Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had a bun in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift.


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Last edited by rossfingal; 02-07-2014 at 07:08 PM.
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