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fixit 06-25-2007 11:28 AM

dealing with partners
 
Hi, I'm new to the site and I know this is not dr. phil but I really could use some advice. I have been trying to install laminate flooring in our house and I do it with 2 toddlers running around. I have done the job slowly but it is getting there. I did most of the shopping around myself to know what tools to buy the right laminate etc... Now since the project began my husband and I have been fighting constantly because he wants me to do the project his way because he thinks I am just not capable. I may not have much experience with flooring but i managed to do one complete room without him. I just can't seem to get through to him that he needs to trust my judgment. I was hoping for some tips on how to work with partners to get a job done.

AtlanticWBConst. 06-25-2007 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fixit (Post 50410)
Hi, I'm new to the site and I know this is not dr. phil but I really could use some advice. I have been trying to install laminate flooring in our house and I do it with 2 toddlers running around. I have done the job slowly but it is getting there. I did most of the shopping around myself to know what tools to buy the right laminate etc... Now since the project began my husband and I have been fighting constantly because he wants me to do the project his way because he thinks I am just not capable. I may not have much experience with flooring but i managed to do one complete room without him. I just can't seem to get through to him that he needs to trust my judgment. I was hoping for some tips on how to work with partners to get a job done.

Only thing I can offer is to do the job when he is not around.....

That will eliminate the "looking over your shoulder" and micro-managing your work ....

Jack Hass 06-25-2007 12:16 PM

Just cut him off until he sees it your way.

That works for my wife.

Clutchcargo 06-25-2007 12:54 PM

I'm probably in the same boat as your husband. If he's anything like me, he has already given the project a lot of thought, got on some diy boards and researched the best way for him to accomplish the task.

With that said, one of our projects is finishing and installing a new front door. My wife said she wanted to do the finishing. I've already done a lot of the legwork and decided on the materials and hardware to use. I bought her a finish sander and let her have at it. I peak in and offer advice every now and then; sometimes she even takes the advice. :tongue_smilie:

KUIPORNG 06-25-2007 02:33 PM

I can now see problems do exists even there is common interests between husband and wife... In my case, it is the opposite, my wife couldn't care less... she just want the job done... if we do it together... I am in complete control and can yell and command anyway I want... as she is not interested in the stuff at all and only help only if it is not possible to do it by one person or she is really really not busy with her own stuff which is once in a lightyear... the downside is you got almost no help... and minimum appreciation when things got done as she doesn't know what was involve in doing somthing... the upside is you are in complete control when building .... if I have to choose... I will keep my wife...

yummy mummy 06-25-2007 10:44 PM

You can try telling him how successful you have been with the laminate so far, as I am sure you have.

Remind him, that he should trust your judgement, as you have succeeded many time at many different things.

It sounds to me that his disapproval of how you are installing the laminate is a symptom of what really is bothering him. He may have other issues that have nothing to do with the flooring. But is manifesting itself as such.

Continue communicating and I'm sure you will resolve this issue.

(Otherwise, I'll have my husband serve him with a Petition for Divorce....:jester: )

send_it_all 06-25-2007 11:24 PM

Or you can tell him that until he gets down there to install it himself, to shut his pie hole....lol. Don't stand there and throw in your 2 cents if you're not going to jump in the pit.

AtlanticWBConst. 06-26-2007 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yummy mummy (Post 50474)
....It sounds to me that his disapproval of how you are installing the laminate is a symptom of what really is bothering him. He may have other issues that have nothing to do with the flooring. But is manifesting itself as such.....


BINGO......

slickshift 06-26-2007 06:54 AM

Now he wants to tell you how to do it?
I'd listen to what he has to say, and if I didn't want to do it that way, just do it the way I was going to
"I'm doing it, I'm doing it my way"
"If you were doing it, you could do it your way"
But hey, maybe I'm just a jerk
:jester:

We have a rule in our house
"You can tell me to do something, or you can tell me how to do something...but not both"
Truthfully, we both listen to each other's suggestions, but we don't insist on it being done "my way" if we are not doing it ourselves
Every once in a while one of us has to mention the rule though...lol

fixit 06-26-2007 03:52 PM

thank you all for the input I guess I just need to learn to put my foot down once in a while and insist that he back out. I agree that this is not just about the wood there are some control issues but he has to understand that I am not his subordinate but his partner and he can work with me as a partner but not dictate what to do especially when I have done all the work.
thanks again. will let you know what happens at the end of the project got 3 more rooms to do.:)

seobeglobal 06-26-2007 04:19 PM

yes, having a partner is sometimes very annoying and mostly if he/she is a friend, there is always a problem and if that person doesn't understand that difference there can be a lot of conflicts.

yummy mummy 06-26-2007 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seobeglobal (Post 50531)
yes, having a partner is sometimes very annoying and mostly if he/she is a friend, there is always a problem and if that person doesn't understand that difference there can be a lot of conflicts.


He isn't her friend, he's just her husband. :laughing:

terrynistler 06-26-2007 11:49 PM

LOL, My Wife was my friend first and still is! Well most days anyway:whistling2:

yummy mummy 06-27-2007 08:27 AM

Agree, must be friends first before anything else.

You have to LIKE the person before loving them.

rjordan392 06-29-2007 05:12 AM

There are many men that have some knowledge of a few jobs but no actual hands on experience. So when the lady of the house decides to roll up her sleeves and tackle the job, the other half feels resentful and inadequate. Well that's too bad; he should know that most homeowners can not afford to run to the bank for everything that needs fixing or upgrading. So he has no business giving his opinion on your efforts. If he can help, then fine; but don't let him dictate your job as he did not show any inclination to start it himself.


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