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Old 06-15-2011, 10:39 AM   #1
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Construction dictionary


I stole this from an old friend.

Construction dictionary

CONTRACTOR:
A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

BID OPENING:
A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Bid:
A wild guess carried out to two dedimal points.

LOW BIDDER:
A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

ENGINEERS ESTIMATE:
The cost of construction in Heaven.

PROJECT MANAGER:
The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

CRITICAL PATH METHOD:
A management tefhnique for loosing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA:
A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney-usually applied at random with a shotgun.

DELAYED PAYMENT:
A tourniquet applied at the pockets

COMPLETION DATE:
A point at which liquidated damages begin.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES:
A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

AUDITOR:
People who comein after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded

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Old 06-15-2011, 06:50 PM   #2
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Construction dictionary


...and all true.

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