Me: Hi. I'm new. My name is Will.
You: Hi Will. Welcome.
Me: Here's some basic biographical information you'll find only moderately interesting!
You: Interesting! ... I'll forget that after 10 seconds
Me: I need advice for remodeling my house.
You: What a surprise!
Me: I'm going to go ask some questions now.
You: I probably won't connect those questions to this introduction.
Me: Nice to meet you!
You: We didn't actually meet.