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jarheadoo7 06-20-2011 09:08 PM

reno the homestead..turning down help
the woman and I bought our home about a week ago.. well my family is an oak tree of tradesmen from the chimney to the subbasement.. hers is ...not.

BUT her pops is a pretty good handy man.. but by good i mean..tile is chewed up around the "complicated cuts", big fat grout lines..crooked lines.. just shoddy work but is fine for him.

he is talking about coming over and "helping out with the flooring"...:huh:

the woman already thinks im being a pre-madonna only letting my family help so the waters are a little tense in this area otherwise I would just say.. thanks but no thanks.. were good on installs.

how do i say no to the help with out looking like a prick?

CplDevilDog 06-20-2011 09:28 PM

Bring 'em in and give them something "out of sight" to do.

Would you mind painting the inside of that closet for me? Here, you can tile this area under the dishwasher.

If all else fails just say "Man, that looks like a bag of smashed *$$" I think we should try again.

Most guys can pick things up once you show 'em, but if its a case of don't care, thats harder to fix.

gma2rjc 06-20-2011 11:40 PM

Can you tell him you have all the help you need but will take him up on the offer to help some other time? If you get a couple members of your family over to help, he should understand that you're all set.

Tough situation! It's very thoughtful of him to offer to help though.

kwikfishron 06-21-2011 05:33 AM

199 Attachment(s)
“No thank you, I’ve got it covered”…..”Thanks anyway though”, and then the quick switch to another subject.

I use this at least once a month.

CplDevilDog 06-21-2011 06:27 AM


Originally Posted by kwikfishron (Post 671111)
No thank you, Ive got it covered

Spoken like a true bachelor :laughing:

user1007 06-21-2011 08:25 AM

You know, sometimes a bit of radical honesty, if expressed with love and respect, is the most kind way to go. It might form a temporary ice layer but it will melt in time. It sure seems more humane than assigning busy work like painting the interior surfaces of closet doors or wiring battery operated LED lights in some passive agressive means of communications.

coderguy 06-21-2011 09:39 AM

"I want to do this with my friend"
"I want to do this with my wife".

You can throw your wife and him a bone by involving your family less. You learned from them, they are available for advice/emergencies; but make it clear you are improving your home.

Just my opinion. I do my improvements mostly with my best friend; my dad may get a little offended sometimes, but I just explain I'm spending time with my friend and getting him out of the house. Other things; I explain I wanted to do "as a couple".

littlecleo 06-21-2011 11:49 AM

Sometimes you just have to suck it up, let him help, and feel like he's doing something good for you, and his daughter. I run into the same thing with my father in law, as I'm into a 3 year complete remodel on our house. He's good at some things, but not as thorough as I am about things like trim work, drywall, and framing, so I've had to go back and redo some of his work at times. But, in the long run it makes my home life a lot easier, and my relationship with my in-laws very good.

Leah Frances 06-21-2011 11:57 AM

I'm with sdsester and kwikfishron - be honest. Ron's statement is honest and inoffensive. I often use, "Thanks, but I'm enjoying doing it myself."

I hear you about the difficulty.... my father-in-law is also in the camp of 'I'm a handyman, but none of my work looks like anything but crap'. Oh, the tile work in his old kitchen. :eek: It was all twisty because he moved the fridge back into the kitchen before the tile set all the way.

He actually tried to convince me that he and I could re-roof my house.

Him with his bad back, minimal roofing experience and me with my four layers of shingles to remove, 3+ story high roof, and exceptionally steep pitch. :laughing:

For that one I used, "I think I'm going to let a pro do it...."

WirelessG 06-21-2011 12:32 PM

Wrong, wrong and wrong.

If he comes over, tell him to get the @%&^ out. Tell him he has no skills and that he needs to find something else to do....Well, maybe that's too harsh, but I can't stand people that force their "help" upon others. If someone asks for help - fine. If you offer and they say they got it covered - good enough. But people that are bound a determined to get in the middle of your business are rude and self-centered. I try to be a polite and respectful guy, but in these sorts of cases I let my opinion be known. My brother struggled with his father in law for several years. One day FIL shows up with a bunch of lumber and decided to build a fence at my brother's house. No phone call, no prior discussion - he just showed up and started going to work. What a jackass. And what's worse, FIL didn't measure for the post locations - wherever FIL thought a post should go, it went. The fence panels varied. What a fiasco. Things like that went on all the time. What a loser.

Mike in Arkansas 06-21-2011 03:06 PM


the woman already thinks im being a pre-madonna quote]

Can't help with advice but thanks for coining a new word. Sounds like your wife has pretty big aspirations for you. :laughing:

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