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Old 02-06-2014, 09:53 PM   #1
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


This spring we are putting our house up for sale. We want to upgrade to a larger home closer to town where in the future raise a family. We are looking at the local listings and we are fighting over the type and quality of home. My wife is looking at these houses you can clearly see are flip houses. They are 100% complete and no room to add any value to the house. i do not like the fact that i dont know what exactly has been done. Now i work in restoration and i repair homes are floods,fires,etc. I do basically everything. My ideal home is a shack that i rebuild to make my own but she definitely wont go for something in that need of a repair. So im looking for homes that need say a new kitchen, bath, basement redo and some painting. Things that can really add value and i get to do it exactly how i like it. She is pretty much in tears saying she just wants to live comfortable in a construction free zone. To me every house needs work and it never ends. So what should i do? put my head down and say yes dear and get a turn key house and hope they did a good job. or do i go against her and i take the final say? If houses didnt cost so much i'd go her route and wait 6 months for something to go wrong and say told ya so!! need some advice!

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Old 02-06-2014, 10:33 PM   #2
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


Sounds like you need something in the middle-
My house was built in the 50's with hardly any major upgrading down to it. We started with a coat of paint, ripped out the carpet and discovered hardwood with minor damage or wear- moved on to moving a couple walls and a kitchen over haul, etc. It's over 20 years.....
Our kids were young so our focus was on making the house nice for the family. As time has gone by we have done some major reno work- but it was one room/area at a time.
It helps that my wife enjoys decorating and such too- she supplies the ideas and I scheme it out to her liking and we're both happy.
Meet in the middle somewhere- that's kind of what marriage is about isn't it?

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Old 02-06-2014, 10:58 PM   #3
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


I am with you. But , if you know whats good for you, you had better buy the turn key flip.
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Old 02-07-2014, 12:39 AM   #4
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


So let me get this straight? You want us to come in between you and your wife, by either agreeing with you or with her? My friend you need help if you listen to strangers and ramrod your wife's mind. Most couples find common ground they can agree on, I question someone who would ignore their spouse and purchase a home without their approval.
Don't you both have to sign for the loan?
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Old 02-07-2014, 01:51 AM   #5
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


I see both sides.....

As a guy and ultimate DIY'er....I'd want a fixer-upper....

But I can also see your wife's side in that she is maybe tired of all the projects and the associated mess and chaos that goes with it.

Maybe say something like this "Honey, I can understand why you want a house that is done, but we both know that in no time your are going to want to make changes. So why don't we start with something that is more 'changeable'?"
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:31 AM   #6
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


This thread is right up my alley. I sell Real Estate in the GTA.

I can understand your wife's frustration about not wanting to live in a construction zone, especially if you have limited time to devout to your reno's. But you have valid points too about not buying something in a cookie cutter neighbourhood that's been slapped together with shoddy workmanship.

If the two of you don't find a compromise up front there will be building resentment in the near future...not worth the other one feeling like they "lost" the argument.

Some points to keep in mind while you guys sort this out.

--The GTA has been and is still currently enjoying a strong Sellers market. Inventory is very low and a properly priced home will sell very quickly ...often in a multiple offer situation. Depending on your neighbourhood and proximity to T.O. home values are up over 7-10% from last year . So if you see something you like...act quickly..

That being said, if you buy a handy man special ( act even quicker as they go really fast) and totally redo you can still run the risk of over improving yourself right out of the market. Only very unique neighbourhoods do not have a value cap.

But if the two of you plan on growing roots in the new home, then the reno cost won't matter as much as you are staying put to enjoy them.
__There is definitely something to be said about buying the cheapest home on the block and bringing up its value. And you are correct that the most expensive home on the block has no room to go up in value

.I think one of the ways to help you figure out which way to go is to start looking...and not on the MLS...get out there and start booking showings..keeping in mind that you are just kicking tires...something will jump out and then you will both know that its the "one"



Best of luck on your decisions

There is a popular misconception of when the spring market actually starts....and its now...despite this insane winter we are currently enjoying...the Buyers are out now. Its a savvy seller who lists at this time of year especially with this limited inventory...you will fetch top dollar for your property very quickly

Last edited by creeper; 02-07-2014 at 06:43 AM.
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Old 02-07-2014, 07:05 AM   #7
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


Look for a place that has a fresh interior done, but needs curbside appeal or a garage and landscaping, or even a basement development.
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Old 02-07-2014, 07:05 AM   #8
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Think of your wife as unhappy as she has ever been and ask yourself whether you honestly want to be around that for 3-6 months. The woman just wants to get moved in and start enjoying her home. I kind of understand that. Trust me, down the line things will wear out or after awhile of living with certain things she'll probably want them changed. Just step in with the tools and be her hero then.

If you have a paying job it means you'll be dividing your time between that and home renovations, probably causing everything to take longer than you think it will. Then add in that a home where someone couldn't even take care of the cheap cosmetics is also more likely to have more problems behind the walls. So what will probably happen is you'll promise it'll be good to go in 2 months only to realize once you start tearing things apart that it's actually 4-5 months of work. Wiring and plumbing problems, dry rot, stuff not to code, etc..Life at that point will not be very happy for you. You get to do what you enjoy while she cooks on a BBQ grill, stares at demoed walls, and listens to table saws and hammers going at all hours of the day.

You never know how this ends up until you see what's out there. Both me and my wife started out wanting different things then settled on a turn-key older home that didn't exactly fit with everything either of us was looking for, because it was 100k less than the newer construction we viewed for way more house. There are things we will change but we have the next 20-30 years to do it. For now we are content to leave it alone.

Last edited by eharri3; 02-07-2014 at 07:33 AM.
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Old 02-07-2014, 07:48 AM   #9
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


Don't see how this can end well whatever you do. If you think your fighting now wait until you buy because either way somebody's going to fell like they lost. Two things jump out at me 1)flip house. can mean done cheap as possible, corners cut, problems covered up, you get the idea. 2) wait 6 months for something to go wrong, then I told you so. Not an ingredient for a happy home.
Like creeper said go beat the bushes and try to find a compromise.
There's an old saying to keep in mind "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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Old 02-07-2014, 08:46 AM   #10
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


The edit button seems to have disappeared so I will add on to my original post this way:

There is a "saying" in the real estate industry. "Buyers are liars" Meaning...buyers go into it thinking they want certain criteria and then when they really start touring homes they change their minds. So as stated...you and your wife should start the process with open minds. Each taking the time to view the others choices. You never know when you will fall in love with the perfect place and it could surprise you both.
Find a Realtor who is willing to give you the time and patience to do this.

BTW..Ive sold them from Port Hope to Georgetown to Beaverton
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Old 02-07-2014, 09:07 AM   #11
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


Quote:
Originally Posted by eharri3 View Post
You never know how this ends up until you see what's out there. Both me and my wife started out wanting different things then settled on a turn-key older home that didn't exactly fit with everything either of us was looking for, because it was 100k less than the newer construction we viewed for way more house. There are things we will change but we have the next 20-30 years to do it. For now we are content to leave it alone.
True. No reason to start arguing over something that may not happen.

No house is perfect. I would just go look and keep an open mind. Look and see what is out there (and the prices!). You may find something you both love. Possibly something with an unfinished basement. Make you happy by adding value, yet keep her out of the construction zone.

One last thought. I don't know you so please don't take this personally, but what is your batting average on past jobs. Do you get them done quickly, finished and cleaned up before starting something else, or are there tools from the project you started three months ago still sitting in the hallway? If the latter, that could explain her attitude.
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Old 02-07-2014, 09:41 AM   #12
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


It's hard to make money when you like in the house you want to flip. If you are going to do fixer upper try and do it before you move in. Nothing worse than living without a kitchen or bathroom and moving stuff around all the time. I'd bought a newer house and yes, it needs enough work to keep me satisfied. Don't forget "Happy wife, happy life"
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Old 02-07-2014, 10:11 AM   #13
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


Please do not take offense at this: From painful personal experience, if you are arguing/fighting this much over just a house, your marriage has much bigger problems.

The two houses I owned with my first wife were both new construction, we picked the model/floor plan/colors, and she still wasn't satisfied. This was just a symptom of her disssatisfaction with life in general. Enough said. Been married to my current wife for 29 years now, and we have owned eight homes, all of which required some remodeling. She designed our current home, and we built it ourselves. All is good.
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Old 02-07-2014, 11:39 AM   #14
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


I agree, you both need to respect each others opinions and work out a compromise. One thing about women is they have memories like elephants and will bring things up later if needed be (in my experience). My Grandma, Mom and better half could/can remember the weather and everyones birthday, anniversary etc for 50 yrs ago. I cannot remember what I ate 2 days ago. Don't want any animosity to bite you in the butt later do you ?
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Old 02-07-2014, 12:27 PM   #15
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buying a new home! wife and i fighting.


To expand a bit on my own experience:

When we started shopping I wanted a 2 car garage, large basement (finished or easily finishable), an open floor plan, and larger square footage. I figured bathrooms can be retiled and get new vanities and toilets, and kitchens can get new flooring, paint, and fixtures.

She wanted: updated kitchen, updated bathroom, both with tile-work and everything else aesthetically pleasing to her, and an onverall move-in ready home that required no significant work. Bonuses for her would have included a master bath and walk-in closets. She figured garages can be built or expanded and all we needed from a basement is storage space.

We settled on a 108 yr old home with a very old and tiny but functional 1 car garage, updated but average sized bathrooms, an expanded kitchen with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances, and an un-finished basement with a very low ceiling and low-hanging pipes. It DID have a 3rd floor living space with its own bathroom that would eventually become the 'man-cave' I had planned for the basement. It was spacious, but not really an open floor plan. Average sized closets, and no master bath. I guess walk in closets and master suites were not really 'the thing' in 1905.

Initially she didn't want this house because though it was in tip top shape it seemed too big. I was a bit more enthusiastic than she was. We viewed it and moved on. Shopping around and seeing what else was out there, nothing jumped out at both of us over the next few months. Then this house got a 30K price drop. It was actually my wife who saw the price drop and strongly suggested we give it a second look. Yes, SHE suggested we go back and take another look at the house that SHE initially vetoed. After some back and fourth over various things we were able to make a deal and go to settlement. It is not exactly what either of us were initially looking for. But it was 100K less than we were expecting to spend, in great condition with tons of potential for future rennovations, and perfectly located for all of our needs. Those factors were just too big to ignore and a year later neither of us has any regret.

Lesson being: Just because you give ground now doesn't mean you won't get all or most or some of what you're looking for. If you impose your will on your wife before the process even starts she'll resent you for it and you'll never live it down. She may eventually comply but she won't necessarily be happy. No matter what you try to do to fix that she will dwell on the fact that she was overruled and her feelings were not respected, which will make it hard for her to focus on anything else. If you let CIRCUMSTANCES and MARKET REALITIES change her mind, that's a very different thing.

Just agree on things you would both like to see in a home and then let the shopping process guide you.


Last edited by eharri3; 02-07-2014 at 12:42 PM.
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